No Prince Charming Knocking at Our Doors

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"And as we kissed, really kissed, something inside me was smashed, like a splitting atom,erupting with all the force if a shattering nucleus. And yet I was strangely at peace, too. It was like I'd found my place in the universe, in the chaos, and Lucius and I could go along locked together throughout time without end, like pi, existing infinitely, irrationally, spinning through out time." 

What a feeling huh? Being a girl who could only feel such a kiss through her books and stories told by her friends, that there is setting my bar quite high. I'm very well aware that at times first kisses are 'over rated' OR it could be just that and maybe more.

For those of us who have fallen in love with our fictional Lucius we could only keep on dreaming for the day that our 5'7 Obsidian hair and broad shoulder with deep piercing eyes come and whisk us away. And is it so wrong to hope that it may come true?

I wonder if any other girl is like me out there, a girl who:

- Is nineteen
-Has not had her first kiss
-Obviously sex goes without saying if you read ^^^
-Has had no boyfriends (again read two)
-That her own little sister has had 4 boyfriends more than her self

(Wow well I think I should be rethinking a few choses in my life now that I think about it haha.)

But no seriously I'm the one in my group of friends who has to be explain a sexual joke by the rest of the group and is treated as the baby of the group (in the aspect of dating and the such). Once I had enter high school I was slapped with a reality check that over 80% of the girls there had lost their virginity if not before but freshmen year.
I was in shock the first few times very close friends I ended up meeting in high school would casually bring up their sex life. I just couldn't grasp it all. All I thought was "Where could they have done it, without their parents finding out?", "Was it planned out?", "Would I have to give out if I ever dated anyone?" 

I had ever really been in a hurry to jump into the love world. Yes I've had my curious moments of what a kiss felt like, what having sex was like, and above all what it was like to really love someone. Of course I had my few crushes through out my life, I can give you the name of the boy I was all gaga back in 5th grade. BUT none of that was really more than just a crush, it was just a nice sweet small feeling I would get any time I would see that person, but it always slowly faded away. I never had the urge to pursue after it, and even more than once when my crush found out about my feelings I did freak at first and even times he would return my feelings but i never acted upon them I never did want to be their girlfriend. Anyone else felt the same way? Of being the hunter but once catching your prey it just isn't the same?

Maybe again it's just me and I have been told I was stupid for rejecting a few offers from nice guys by both my little sister and close friends. Now my own parents want to auction me off to the highest betting  really. Its come down to my mom being my match maker with the son's of her girlfriends.

But the truth of the matter even though I do wan't to feel those butterflies and the perfect pi i simply can't find my self dating anyone at this point of my life. Am I missing out in life? Are other girls like me missing out as well? Is it so wrong to be a complete virgin in this time and age?

The one thing that does get to me is that I might be twenty-one and I won't know how to kiss that hot Italian guy at the casino haha.

For those of you who have experience most of what I haven't what was it really that urge you to take that step? Was it simple going with the flow, or was there more emotion involved behind your choice? And for those of you that are like me (sadly xD) what's your reason for holding back? Waiting for Mr. Right or is your fictional character good enough for now?

I don't own this picture 

Ahhh Nineteen, one and nine, ...NINETEEN! That age where you can now smoke anywhere you please, you can buy porn without asking that guy always around in your local convenience store to buy it for you, hmmm what else am I forgetting? AH yes, you are now one year from being safe where your fifty year old boyfriend/girlfriend can poke you with his sword or have her on yours (or have a sword fight with each other) and he/she wont get arrested. 

Such a lovely age is it not? NOT. You are reaching your last year of being a teen, the years where you could still get away with your stupid actions and have your parents carry the burden of it all for you. YET, you are still not old enough to really be consider an adult let alone buy your own beer. Where twenty-eight year olds are still calling you a baby. And when you make a comment of how childish a middle schooler or perhaps even a high schooler is, people will look at you with that look saying "who are you to talk? You are still fresh out of the oven your self baby roll."

Nineteen is a pretty anticlimactic age, I don't see what all the fuss is about it. Yes perhaps if you had rich mommy and daddy that let you on a very loose leash then perhaps I can see why you would be enjoying this year, and who wouldn't? But for those of us that don't have such parents besides the small treats of now and then hanging out with your buddies at a cafe and enjoying your college life, what is there really in it for us? 

- Still hoping from classes to classes every term, not really settling with a major yet and perhaps having your parents breathing down your neck to make up your mind soon. 

- For those being the oldest in the family now your stuck being your little siblings second parents and you have to deal being their chauffeur, personal nanny, and home tutor. 

- You're struggling to get a job that isn't that, that requires you to flip patties and constantly say with a smile "Welcome to the reason why you are obese, can I get your order?", but any other slightly more decent jobs are asking for experience and you're there looking at that resume thinking you might be the only one with common sense and realizing the great philosophy of: you need experience for a job but you need a job to get experience dilemma. 

- You're going through your Facebook and reading posts or seeing pictures of your friends with a belly, a baby in their arms or not even being able to recognize them anymore. And you look at your life and perhaps the only difference is that you no longer have your braces. 

I remember being fourteen and thinking of the time I would turn eighteen and of the crazy and wild and adventurous life I was going to have. Maybe it's just that back then I still lived in a big city of great LA and now I'm in small town Oregon and besides going to Walmart for entertainment your only other option is to set things on fire. But let me tell you, THIS is a huge let down and I want my life's money worth back, that or I wan't to fast forward to my life away from this and enjoying my lovely house in Siena. Is anyone else feeling this way? Or perhaps I'm just the only looser not enjoying the best of the big one and nine. 

I'm what it's call a cross rode of my transition from being a naive girl to a young woman that has other things in her mind besides what she's going to wear for spirit week.  

I don't know how things will pan out after this, but so far life looks bland. Anyone else feeling that way? If not tell me your secret All Great One.